- Dad, where's the nearest pub? (8 years old?)
- I'm with her but I hate her
I'm using a cashpoint, and two ladies come out of the bank and walk past me. I overhear a snippet of their conversation:
- It's better to have more money than less
Mature Student 1: Dya watch big bruvver last night?
Mature Student 2: Yeh.
MS1: Fuckin good wonnit.
MS2: Nah, I yate the first one, it's always crap. Anyway, I smashed er ed against the wall and told er to get the fuck out. She's fuckin scared of me now, don't fink she'll be coming back.
Ms1: Yeh she was well out of order though wont she.
Librarian: Can you keep the noise down please?
MS1: Don't fucking shout at me. I'm off to the refectory, coming?
"You weren't even born when Bill Gates invented Microsoft!"
True. Said by a boy of about 6 to his young friend while playing on Old Broadway, one of Manchester's most affluent streets.
Everton is blessed to have not only an excellent (and award winning) official website, but also a vast emergence of unofficial efforts created and maintained by fans. Two of the best, and indeed two of the best fansites on the internet full stop, are Toffeeweb and Bluekipper.
Some Evertonians like to pick one over the other, since they have vastly different attitudes and style. Toffeeweb looks slick, stylish and professional. It has an awesome wealth of information, and is the best source of Everton news on the net. It publishes fans articles (including mine on Wayne Rooney), and is full of considered opinion. This attitude extends to their message board The People’s Forum that is consistently informative, political and knowing. Generally the professionalism of the owners means a deep suspicion (and sometimes downright hostility) to the Everton board, but a firm support for David Moyes.
By contrast Bluekipper is proudly amateurish. The format is simple yet effective, and news articles carry raw wit. Their commentator Mickey Blue Eyes was often on the money, but the editors tend to have a closer relationship to the Goodison hierarchy and therefore seem less willing to judge, pontificate, and give up their position as merely “fans”. Their message board is the opposite of the People’s Forum, where younger and more impressionable fans will be far freer in their opinions and rumours. For example, a typical post on The People’s Forum will be someone linking to a Norwegian press article implicating Paul Stretford in a dubious takeover deal, whilst Bluekipper will have a 15 year old stating his “starting eleven” on the assumption that we’ve signed the last 3 players that clubs been linked to.
So why do I share this? Bluekipper have published a collection of their funnies in a book called Turning the Air Blue (reviewed in the Echo here) and it will be of interest to football fans of all shades. Here’s a few of my favourite ‘arl fella shouts:
Peter Reid advances on the ball with Trevor Steven lurking out on the right. Reid is given instructions by crowd know-all: "Wing! Wing! Wing!" to which a wag retorts: "Will someone answer that --phone!".
Newcastle last home game. In the park end and Newcastle fans were holding their shoes in the air singing: "Show your shoes if you love the toon". Mid way through the second half this fella next to me (he'd had one to many changs) gets up and shouts: 'SHOW YOUR COCK IF YOUR TWO NIL UP.' Pissed myself laughing!!
At the home game v Chelsea. Father and son together in the top balcony toilets. Father shouts: 'How many times have I told you not to slide on the pee'.
At the Southampton game on the 2nd December and we played the usual dismal first half, some fella shout's, what's that Smith doing he's only playing one fella in the correct position and that's fuck'in Gerrard on the bench
Here's a latest Twelfthly:
"give me a question Dad, about anything: math, science...sociology..."
overheard in New York
As an interlude to our recent obsession with the Creative Commons, here's a Twelfhtly I recently had the pleasure to experience:
"my theory is that anyone, can do anything. As long as they have enough time, and money.
(as an afterthought)
Of course that doesn't apply to disabled people."
George Mason University
A Twelfthly is an amusing snippet of an overheard conversation.
For more, click here.