Reality TV giant Endemol has been approached by the United Nations to help rid the world of one of its most troublesome and stubborn dictators, Robert Mugabe. Given the ongoing failings of international sanctions and diplomacy, Mugabe’s deranged and damaging regime in Zimbabwe has proved a headache for statesmen around the globe; he was recently likened to ‘a turd that won’t flush’ by one senior US State Department official.
It’s believed the Dutch TV consortium has been in talks with the United Nations recently surrounding plans for a ‘Big Brother’ style eviction, during which a stage would be secretly constructed outside Mugabe’s palace in preparation for a shock ‘live eviction’. Davina McCall would be charged with knocking on the despot’s door and leading him out by the hand onto a garishly-coloured set where he would be immediately disorientated by a flurry of paparazzi-shots and inane questions about who ‘really annoyed him’ in Zimbabwe. Mugabe would then be whisked to a secret location for a photo-shoot and interview for a tabloid newspaper before standing trial for crimes against humanity at an unconfirmed location.
‘Endemol have a track record of removing troublesome and dangerous characters with ease week after week on their Big Brother shows’, said a UN official. ‘Everything else has failed – we need to think outside the box and Endemol may provide the perfect solution to the problem of removing Mugabe.’ Speculation that Mugabe is being groomed for participation in Endemol UK’s next series of Celebrity Big Brother has been rebutted by sources close to the company.
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