The Filter^

Headline of the day

Just seen the following RSS feed from BBC News: Probe into 'naked civil servants'

Pimp My Snack

PimpMySnack is a custom, banging, A1 Tip Top, jamming club fair. It's a sandwich of fun on ecstacy bread wrapped up in a big bag like disco fudge. It doesn't get any better than this.

We take Snacks to their limit, and show what they're capable of with a little ingenuity, a little cash, and a lot of imagination.

              That's pimpmysnack.com. Thanks to Skinner for the pointer

Scouser Youth

The Ferrari Formula 1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.

The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the Government's Youth Opportunity Scheme and employ some people from Liverpool.  The decision to hire them followed a recent documentary on how youths from the  Liverpool area were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 second with millions of Euros' worth of high-tech equipment.

Prime Minister Tony Blair went on record as saying that this was a bold move by the Ferrari management which demonstrated the international recognition of the  UK under New Labour.  As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari thought they had the advantage over every team.  However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the first practice session, the Liverpool pit crew successfully changed the tyres in less than 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team for 2 crates of Stella, a kilo of speed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower.

From Faith, providing my response to Quinn's rumenations about scousers and mancs.

Defeat Darwin Month

"Why is it that people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved" - Bill Hicks

"Evolution taken to its logical conclusion leads to a savage world akin to Hitler's Nazi Germany when the strong determine what is right. It was no coincidence that Hitler was strongly influenced by the writings of Darwin." [from www.drdino.com]

I'm not sure whether this site is hilarious or horrifying, but either way i'm hooked. The best thing about Creationism and Christian science is that it's so wacky; in a Hammer Horror sort of way. If it was a genuine parody it wouldn't be as funny.

www.drdino.com
www.creationists.org

U-Fit - Vrai ou Faux?

Anthony touched upon The Armstrongs recently, suggesting that the BBC Two 'sit-com' was the funniest thing on TV at the moment. And he's not wrong in the funny stakes.

But this morning, the show's main protagonists John and Ann Armstrong, owner-managers of Coventry's third largest double glazing firm U-Fit, were welcomed onto BBC Breakfast's red sofa as Dermot and Sian explained that the show was a genuine documentary - 'completely real despite rumours on internet chat-rooms'. So, it's nice to know that they're reading The Filter^. Is this an extension of an elaborate hoax? Here are some reasons why I'm still not convinced that The Armstrongs is a documentary:

1) U-Fit - from the material presented by the BBC - must be Coventry's worst run and most ineffective small business and could surely not survive.

2) Performances in-part inspired by David Brent from both John (MD of U-Fit) and even more so the temporarily-hired Sales Manager with the blond hair (sorry, can't remember the character name) whose acting constituted a good pub impression of Ricky Gervais' character (not unlike Anthony's).

3) Michael the sales rep. Surely a character sculpted by writers of genius and an actor who's performance demonstrates complete understanding that writing. His metamorphosis over the last few episodes cannot be real - and his eery marriage to an American board game champion over twice his age would have been too great a discovery for documentary makers already inspired by U-Fit's underbelly of eccentricity.

4) The silent sales girl Jo (I think) - she seemed remarkably like a RADA graduate who had been hired and instructed to giggle but not speak. Sadly, she's now left U-Fit (probably for an RSC role) along with the whole of the rest of the sales team (except Michael) who clearly weren't tempted by the prospect of TV documentary fame.

See for yourselves tonight - The Armstrongs is on BBC Two tonight at 10pm. If this is a documentary, then creation has spawned some of the most extraordinary human beings and evolution has ensured that they were placed in Coventry. If it's a sit-com, then there are some performances here that are worthy of serious plaudits - with writing to match.

The Armstrongs

We're living in a golden age of comedy, and there's nothing funnier on TV at the moment than The Armstrongs BBC2 Wednesday 10pm.

If you're in the US you can check out their website and the blog, but nothing compares to watching the achingly funny (and exceptionally well edited) documentary-style fly on the wall. It's pure genius, and if anyone finds the Christmas orginal on DVD let me know. 

John's attempt to point out the width of the windows is just priceless. "Seventy sausages?" he offers. (The Mirror)

Limits

Addendum:  Learn about limits and their importance in calculus:

http://cne.gmu.edu/modules/dau/calculus/limits/limits_frm.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limit_%28mathematics%29

added after Matthew's comment.

Added on 3 Feb:  Maybe I should've also left a link on "one-sided limits", so here goes:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-sided_limit. Thanks to Nick for the reminder.

JB & TC

Julie Birchill, The Times; Thomas Conolly, The Filter^

Andrew's not the first person to be fooled by the Birchill/Conolly conspiracy. I remember back when Thomas and I were living in Irwell Chambers, and I came home from work to see him sat on the sofa, in his dressing gown, listening to weird music, watching "The Darling Buds of May"... It was only when I offered him a big tub of yoghurt and he refused that I thought something was afoot.

Then the front door opens, in walks* Thomas Conolly, and I realise that i'd mistaken him for Julie Birchill! There she was, sat on the sofa, in Thomas's dressing gown.... How we laughed!

 

Maybe tomorrow i'll share the time when we mistook Ian for a cheese & ham sandwhich - for three months.

* "Walk" isn't the right word. Those of us who know Thomas would describe it more as a tranquil saunter

Puss, by Mark Cooper

for more, see here

Dog Rapes Man

Extract from the Yorkshire Evening Post:

"A drunk who claimed he had been raped by a dog was yesterday jailed for 12 months by a judge. Martin Hoyle, 45, was arrested by police after a passing motorist and his girlfriend found a Staffordshire bull terrier, called Badger, having sex with him at the side of a road in Huddersfield, West Yorkshire.

Prosecutor Ben Crosland said the couple had stopped to help because they thought Hoyle was being attacked by the animal. But when they got closer they saw that he had his trousers round his ankles, was down on all fours and the dog was straddling him from behind.

"The defendant mumbled something about the dog having taken a liking to him," said Mr Crosland. "The couple were extremely offended and sickened by what they saw." Another passing motorist contacted the police and Hoyle was arrested as he walked with the dog down the road.

Hoyle, of East view, Marsh, Huddersfield, told police "I can't help it if the dog took a liking to me. He tried to rape me."

He repeated the ra pe allegation at the police station and added "The dog pulled my trousers down." Hoyle, who has had a long-standing alcohol problem, was jailed for 12 months after he admitted committing an act which outraged public decency.

His barrister said Hoyle had no memory of the incident because of his drunken state, but was now very remorseful and incredibly embarrassed.

Jailing him, Judge Alistair McCallum told Hoyle "Never before in my time at the bar or on the bench have I ever had to deal with somebody who voluntarily allowed himself to be buggered by a dog on the public highway. Frankly it is beyond most of our comprehension. It is an absolutely disgusting thing for members of the public to have to witness"

Update: I posted this under "humour" because I assumed it was a hoax, but James has pointed out in the comments box this article that claims the story was printed in The Sun (not word for word) on Dec 1st 1998. That's hardly proof of truth, but you'd be wrong to dismiss it as a hoax.